mmh Blog
To Fast or not to Fast?
One of the questions that I have had since childhood is whether or not I should fast during Ramadan. Then I found out that a better question to ask is "why do I want to fast?". Read the complete post to find out why.

One of the questions that I have had since childhood is whether or not I should fast during Ramadan. This was the only significant period of fasting in my Catholic Muslim family, as fasting for Lent in Italy - at least, the Italy I know - was not really a thing. Though looking forward to it, Ramadan would also bring along with it all sorts of tensions and doubts.
No one ever really told me to fast, if I think about it. But then, my dad was fasting and I always felt I wanted to do it with him.
At about the age of 13 or 14, I started trying to fast. And I remember some beautiful summers where fasting seemed effortless. Then it became increasingly difficult. But then, God in general became increasingly difficult. From about the age of 16 or so, Ramadan became a period of doubts. I felt torn between wanting to do it, finding it extremely hard, and not being sure why I was doing it.
Some participants in my PhD research reported the same feeling of frustration and confusion around fasting when you are not 100% sure there’s a religious reason behind it. Hannah, a British participant of Catholic Muslim descent, told me about similar struggles, which in her case were amplified by the fact that neither of her parents fasted due to medical reasons:
“I would be fasting on my own. There’s no community (where I leave). So, at a certain point, I was asking myself, why am I doing this? (Ramadan). I find it easier to fast for Lent because I have many (Christian/Catholic) friends at university but then again, I don’t know if I’m supposed to fast.” (- Anonymised field notes, January 2025).
I find it interesting how interfaith kids can be simultaneously very proud and supportive of their interfaith upbringing, as well as so insecure about it. Hannah told me she would never swap her upbringing for a “mono-religious” one as being raised interfaith taught her to exist in a plural environment. She reported having learnt the ability to “speak” the language of multiple religions and to never get offended if someone thinks differently.
At the same time, it’s an uncomfortable position to inhabit and Hannah is not shy about it. Sipping our coffee, she sighs and tells me that sometimes she too wishes for a more straightforward religious path and for someone that says: “you need to do this or that, and you do it.” (- Anonymised field notes, January 2025).
Though neither I nor my interlocutor Hannah believe that following doctrine is the only possible way of being religious, we do remain often hung up on the question “am I supposed to fast?”.
Once, after a discussion about fasting during Ramadan, my dad asked me why I wanted to fast. As a teenager, that question felt a bit confusing. But as an adult, I recognise that it’s indeed the key question.
If you are a kid of an interfaith family, ask yourself “why?”, rather than “am I supposed to?” - and don’t shy away from the truth! The answer to the why doesn’t necessarily need to be “God”. You might be fasting to share a moment with your fasting parent, to achieve self-discipline, or to enter a self-reflecting space. Whatever the reason, find your purpose and stick with it.
If you can’t find an answer better than “because I feel I have to,” then leave it. Religion should never be done out of fear, but out of love. Perhaps you will go back to fasting in some years, perhaps never. And don’t feel guilty towards your fasting parent. There are other ways to support them that don’t involve fasting (there's a blog post about this). For example, my mum always cooks beautiful meals, and we use Ramadan as an excuse to try Egyptian recipes. We also watch silly Ramadan tv-series (if you are not into that, you should get into it NOW). We also make sure to pick nice restaurants to go out for dinner once in a while, and we always go out for breakfast on the first day of Eid. Since I have a more flexible schedule, my dad and I try to go to Egypt for a bit during Ramadan. If you pray, you can also make an effort to pray with your fasting parent (more) regularly or as a family.
As interfaith kids, we run the risk of being people pleasers. It can be difficult to take a position in our family, for fear of disappointing those we love. But remember religion is a beautifully private thing and you don’t owe any explanation to anyone, but yourself.
Oh, and yes, you can lie to relatives asking you “are you fasting this year?” / “you are not fasting, are you?” if that’s the best way to avoid a family crisis!